monthly post

I'm sitting with my wife at one my favorite Morgantown restaurants/music venues, Black Bear Burritos (notice how the door to the street behind me says 'GOOD LUCK' as you go back out into the world...)! It was a beautiful evening and we decided to walk from our apartment in South Park around downtown. We considered a couple places first, but inevitably came back to Black Bear. I used to always get the 'Double Wide,' which is just a big burrito with steak (or chicken), rice, black beans, onions and all kinds of other good stuff, topped with barbecue sauce. Mmm! But they took it off the menu a while back (though you can still order it if you want, they saved the recipe), and I've since gotten stuck on the Bear Trap, a little wrap with turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomatoes and this really, really good dressing: honey mayo. I'm halfway done with one right now!

Anywho, I thought I'd try and get back in the swing of things (AGAIN) with this blog. I don't mind not blogging everyday (it can be time-consuming, especially for me, the slowest person on earth), but I hate when good thoughts strike me and I let them pass by. I need to get one of those Moleskine notebooks that slide right into your pocket like my friend Billy has (he blogs a lot more frequently than me, check it out).

I just wrote a new song this week! I'm a little concerned about copyright so I won't post it here (though I know I posted another song of mine recently, oh well...), but I thought I'd mention it because it started in a dream. Yeah, isn't that cool? I had this dream about a month ago that I was leading music at a big church (much like mine, but different) and I had a really long cord to my guitar so I walked out into the congregation and looked toward the stage with them. They were all raising their hands to God, and there was no band or anything on stage, it was all dark, but there was some ambient music. And all of a sudden everyone sang out: 'Be-hold! Be-hold!' It was really moving to hear all the voices in unison.

I woke up and was afraid I'd forget the melody so I wrote the notes into a document on my phone and went back to sleep. I didn't do anything with until this week, and all of a sudden the song came to life! I used the 'behold, behold' part in the pre-chorus. And I looked up some Scripture with 'behold' in it and came across a lot of end-times stuff in Revelation ('Behold! I come like a thief...' 'Behold! I am coming soon...). I love Revelation 21 as well, where he says, 'I am making everything new!' and how there will be no more mourning or suffering or pain or death; all our tears will be wiped away. And so I looked at other inspirational and mysterious Scripture about the end, like in 1 Corinthians 15 where it mentions that 'in the twinkling of an eye' we will all be changed, and in 1 Thessalonians 4 where it describes that those of us who are still alive when the Lord comes back will meet him in the air. Awe-inspiring stuff! So the song is basically about the Christian's great joy in looking forward to that.

I'll record it someday...

Only Dreamed Of

I thought since I hadn't blogged in a while I could share something I wrote about a while ago. I was searching through my old e-mails and came across the explanation for and lyrics to a song I wrote just over a year ago (I can't believe it's been that long!). It's a song I'm really proud of, so I thought I'd share it! My thoughts about it are long, so prepare yourselves...

The ‘seed’ that started the was something a friend said during a prayer. He said to God something like, ‘If you love us even close to how much I love my children, that’s a lot, and we know you love us even more.’ It made me realize that all we have to compare God against is ourselves. We can ‘imagine’ that he loves us more than we love our own children, but it’s hard for us to ‘know’ that. The truth is, our love for our children and anyone else we say we ‘love’ is like hating them compared to how God loves us, but we can’t quite grasp that.

The problem is that we fail those we love, all the time, and God never fails us. Even if it were possible to not fail those we love our entire lives, at the end we fail them by dying. We can never promise to ‘always be there’ for someone because our fragile lives could end at any moment. To experience true love, we need someone who is not bound by death. That’s what was so amazing about Jesus’ resurrection. He truly was with them, ‘to the very end of the age.’ And that’s what makes it almost arrogant or at least naïve of us to suppose that our love or our efforts for others (without giving them Christ) mean anything, even if we sacrifice our own life, for ‘if only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.’ Death eventually thwarts all our efforts unless we have been given life eternal from the only One who has conquered death.

I had most of the song finished except verse 3 and I was looking for a way to wrap it up. Then another friend mentioned the ‘unexpected’ theme of the art show coming up and I realized that’s what I’d been writing about: how unexpected it was for Jesus to rise from the dead. How this is what we had hoped for, had dreamed of, but didn’t see it coming. So I made verse 3 first person, trying to capture how a lifeless person feels when, out of the clear blue sky, Jesus comes knocking at their door. The final ‘Nobody could’ statement contrasts with the other ones, showing them to be false and the only real statement of the human condition to be ‘I am in desperate need of someone to love me like I desire, but fail, to love others.’

So here's the lyrics to the song. Someday I'll record it and get it onto my myspace.

ONLY DREAMED OF

VERSE 1:
A father knows how much he loves his children
He can feel it in the gritting of his teeth
When one of them falls and he’s not there to catch him
And he knows there will be other times like these
But he thinks, ‘Nobody could care for them like I do’

A mother cries when she thinks of her daughter
She can feel her in the beating in her chest
A failing heart that will not beat much longer
She will go and leave her just like all the rest
Still she says, ‘Nobody could give to her like I do’

CHORUS 1:
Could we ever even wrap our heads around
A love that never goes away?
Do we have a single slightest notion of
A person who will always stay
And give the kind of love we’ve only dreamed of?

VERSE 2:
An architect walks past the demolition
Of a building he once poured himself into
With saddest eyes, he still recalls the vision
But he knows there’s nothing now that he can do
He sighs, ‘Nobody could know this place like I do’

A soldier bleeds and falters in the battle
As he draws his dying breath, he feels content
He grips the flag with all the life left in him
He thinks of the nation for which it was spent
He whispers, ‘Nobody could love her the way I do’

CHORUS 2:
Is there anyone to build a home for us
That will not crumble to the ground?
Can we find a warrior to fight for us
Whose body never will be laid down?

VERSE 3:
I hear the bell and wonder who it could be
There is no one coming ‘round here anymore
I pull the latch, and to my knees I’m falling
I did not expect to see you at my door
And I say, ‘Nobody could need you the way I do
Nobody should ever be far from you'

CHORUS 1

Nobody could need you the way I do
Nobody should ever be far from you

faith venture

My canvas group (small group) had a FAITH VENTURE last week.

Faith ventures are one of a canvas group's four practices, and it's meant to stretch the faith of the participant in a way that blesses others. My canvas group, EXSATIO, decided to put some 'care packages' together to hand out to a few homeless people or really anyone who could benefit from some little things like trail mix, gum, bottles of water, face wipes, chapstick, a Bible, and a bunch of other things most of us probably take for granted.

So we went to the store together, assembled the packages, and started walking around downtown and by the river, looking for people to bless. For a while, we didn't find anyone. We found a few places where we could see some type of dwelling, and we left packages there, hoping that someone would get them and use them. But as evening faded into night, we became a little disappointed that we hadn't gotten to interact with anyone.

And then a group similar to ours who were out doing something very similar told us a few gentleman up an alley would sing for us if we wanted. I ran up the alley to check it out (though honestly, something made me doubt that they were still there, and I told the rest of my group to wait and I'd be back and we'd keep searching elsewhere). Sure enough there were 3 guys sitting there, drinking a little, and they were very friendly. I started talking to them, and then the rest of my group, one by one, realized that I must have found them and started showing up around me.

We gave them the rest of our little packages and then just sort of sat and talked. None of us necessarily had a plan or anything, but we just wanted to be open and give a little of our time to people who many just walk by without taking much notice. And some really great things started happening. More people showed up, and EXSATIO started branching off in little clusters, talking to different individuals, listening to stories and sharing the hope that we have in us and the Source from which we draw strength to care for others like we were doing that night.

I got to talk mostly to one guy who I won't name just for privacy's sake. He was a very sincere man, and he actually had a great singing voice! He was raised in the church with tons of siblings and so knew lots of old hymns, which I and a few others sang with him. He said he wants to do a music project of songs he's written, and that any proceeds that come from it he wants to give 90% to the church. He seemed to be a believer in Christ but said that he's gotten into some bad things and wants to 'turn a corner.' He said he was an alcoholic, and his wife of only 5 months has taken a restraining order out against him and kicked him out of their apartment. He's now living in a trailer. We prayed for him and also for another individual whom one of our number had been talking with very deeply.

The whole canvas group seemed very affected by the whole experience. I asked them to take some time to digest and reflect upon the experience, maybe writing down some things that really made an impact in their hearts and minds. So here's a few my own thoughts:

At some points I felt that Christ was really using me, that He gave me a power to connect with this man and that the man could feel it as easily as I could; I felt like I was Christ's hands and heart to him in these moments.

I stepped out on a limb and offered to help him with his music project; I'm going to have a meeting with him! Maybe no one's ever taken him seriously before, maybe people have made him promises that they broke.

If I'm truly honest, there's a part of me that doesn't want to follow through; it's like I enjoyed the time I had with him but I don't want to give him any more time. But I do know that I WILL do it; I won't break my promise. I say that I feel like it's part of my job to encourage creativity (particularly relating to music) in others; why wouldn't I do that for this man?

I felt so surrounded and supported by my canvas group, my friends; they made sure I wasn't alone, which would have made it much harder. It's good to step out into uncomfortably deep waters in order to serve and be a blessing to others.

During our prayer for another guy, I felt very emotional and really could see a glimpse of what his life could be like if he let God change him; I really wanted God to water the seed that was being planted.

Anyway, this blog is getting long, but there you go! We're planning to follow up however we can with those we talked to and we're going to do another faith venture later in the semester.

link updates

Just wanted to give you the chance to see some other music projects I'm involved with if you haven't already.

This is Ryan, me and Bernd (from Germany), 3 of the 4 members of 'Of Things to Come,' a little jam foursome (Billy Williams is the fourth and vocalist with traditional and original chants out of his Shawnee heritage). As you can seek, I try to provide ambiance with the keyboard but I think I'm usually outdone by Bernd who loves the reverb effect for guitar. Ryan gives us the beat on the djembe. So check out our myspace!

Also, me and Ryan get together and record some songs of ours (his words and my music) where I play guitar and he plays percussion, usually his (and I'm not sure how to spell this) kahon that Bernd actually made for him. It looks like a box and has a little pad on top he sits on. He beats it on various sides and it has some things within that make different sounds. We call ourselves 'O Rise Above...' and we also have a myspace. Enjoy!